The Beauty and Complexity of Therapeutic Relationships
I’ve been thinking a lot about the weirdness and wonder of therapeutic relationships lately—partly because my husband and I are fully addicted to Showtime’s series Couples Therapy with Dr. Orna Guralnik. Each season follows multiple couples through twenty weekly sessions, giving viewers a front-row seat to therapy in action.
One of the most fascinating aspects of the show is witnessing Dr. Guralnik’s supervision and peer consultation sessions. It’s validating to see a seasoned therapist name when she feels stuck, emotionally impacted, or experiencing countertransference. It’s a reminder: therapists are humans, too.
Why Therapeutic Relationships Matter
Therapeutic relationships are at the core of effective therapy. Building rapport from the very first point of contact—whether via an initial consultation call or the first session—is essential. A secure, ethical, collaborative, and egalitarian relationship:
Helps clients feel safe and understood
Encourages vulnerability and honest feedback
Supports client growth and progress toward goals
As a client, this relationship allows for constructive challenges, like a gentle nudge from your therapist to see things from another angle, without feeling judged or dismissed.
Important Sidebar: If a therapist ever makes you feel unsafe, exploited, or uncomfortable, you have every right to terminate therapy immediately. Safety is always the top priority.
The Therapist’s Perspective
Therapists are impacted by relationships, too. Authenticity is central to my practice. I ground myself in parts of a client’s experience I can empathically resonate with before intervening. Even without sharing their exact experiences, I can connect emotionally to their feelings, which guides my approach.
Countertransference—when a therapist’s emotions interfere with the client relationship—can signal that I need to pause, reflect, research, or consult with a supervisor. Highs and lows are part of the job:
Sitting with someone’s suffering can echo in my heart
Celebrating a client’s wins brings genuine joy
Laughter in session is a common and treasured experience
Termination sessions can be particularly meaningful. Sometimes clients ask, “What did you learn from working with me?” The answers can be personal, humorous, or reflective:
“I learned about resiliency from you.”
“You taught me all of the plot points of My Hero Academia and I am now obsessed.”
“I learned how to sit in the complexity of hope and grief—it was holy.”
Ultimately, therapeutic relationships are about learning from and caring for people’s stories. Whether you’re a new therapist or a seasoned pro, noticing the beauty, hope, and curiosity in your work can sustain you in this demanding field.
Read the rest of this essay on Substack!
If you're interested in learning more about my counseling approach, visit the About Me page.