The Truth About People-Pleasing: Why It’s Not the Villain You Think It Is

Photo by Carson Arias on Unsplash

In therapy, “people-pleasing” often gets a bad reputation, but what if it isn’t something to hate about yourself? What if it’s a coping strategy that once helped you survive?

Many of us learn people-pleasing behaviors in chaotic or unpredictable environments. When our brains sense danger, our nervous systems can enter “fawn mode,” prioritizing safety over authenticity. Saying “yes” when we mean “no” or over-apologizing might not mean weakness - it might mean your body once learned that compliance kept you safe.

In this essay, I explore the psychology behind people-pleasing, the neuroscience of coping mechanisms, and how compassion (not self-criticism) helps us rewire our responses and reclaim our needs. Healing doesn’t start with judgment. It starts with gentleness.

Read the full essay on Substack!

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